Question 68: Are you concerned about women being pressurised to change their sexual identity because their partner claims to be of the opposite sex?

Fig. 75

RESPONDENT COMMENT: “That is coercive control and insulting to real gay and lesbian people. It’s trying to rob them of their identity, in the same way “Cis” is trying to make men/women subcategories of their sex, people playing with sexual identity and confusing same sex attraction with same gender attraction are trying to turn sexual attraction into a series of subcategories based on stereotypical appearance/fashion that kind of thing is a bad road that will lead to darker things and more opportunities for sexual oppression and coercion.”

RESPONDENT COMMENT: “The voices of “trans widows” are really important and need to be heard more. I get very frustrated when some gc individuals and groups invite men pretending to be women to speak and ignore their (ex)wives and children.”

RESPONDENT COMMENT: “RC church does not accept divorce. These women are shunned socially too and children laughed and bullied. The be kind message doesn’t include a trans widow who doesn’t comply. It is controlling manipulative grooming behaviour.”

RESPONDENT COMMENT: “The spread and consumption of pornography plays a role in normalising this behaviour. It’s helped autogynephiles push their agenda”

RESPONDENT COMMENT: “I have a great deal of concern for the children of trans identifying parents. They are forgotten casualties who need to be researched.”

RESPONDENT COMMENT: “It’s vital that a nonconsenting spouse be legally allowed to dissolve the marriage before transition occurs in legal papers, ID, etc.”

Question 69: Please add anything else you would like to say.

469 women commented on the question about sexuality. 

Thematic coding revealed the most common concerns of women regarding sexuality to be:

Fig. 76

Women’s Comments

“This is a complex and personal issue, so I don’t think it is my place to judge women’s responses in these situations. However, I do believe it is important that they are able to access support that acknowledges their suffering and validates their views and feelings (whether they support or don’t support their partners) – whatever their choice, they should be respected.”

“This is erasure of homosexuality.”

“I want lesbians to be allowed to be lesbians without having to sleep with men who identify as women, or having to say they are straight if a female partner transitions.” 

“These women and their children are the forgotten victims.”

“Gender ideology erases women and lesbians.”

“Being pressured to accept a sexual interaction that you do not desire is rape. It doesn’t matter if the other person feelings are not considered when deciding that you do not want to have sex. Not having sex that you don’t want is not violence.”

“Identity ideology is inherently, viciously homophobic.”

“I have read many accounts now from ‘trans widows’ – women who married a man who later ‘comes out’ as trans and expects the woman to accept her newfound ‘lesbian’ status without a second thought. If the woman expresses concern about the fairness of this, she is the one labelled difficult and unreasonable. Woe betide her if she dares complain that this new identity of her husband’s feels sexist or brought on by porn consumption…clearly her ‘wife’ has ‘always been a woman inside’ and she is hateful if she doesn’t go along with it and affirm everything demanded of her.” 

“This has happened to many of my lesbian friends. It’s a nightmare.”

“Woman: get a divorce! Keep your childish, egocentric, narcissistic husband well away!!”

“Trans widows are just such a tragic group. They’re left to pick up the pieces for their kids whilst their autogynephile ex swans round in the new narcissistic ‘identity’.”

“Trans widows. Those poor women get ignored. They need to be listened to.”

“This is a form of coercive control and abuse.” 

“The GC movement needs to be far more supportive of trans widows and stop pandering to AGP men. No we do not need to de-stigmatise AGP we need to keep it away from women and children and especially out of schools. The GC movement should prioritise the voices of women.” 

“Women who have been in/are in relationships with such men don’t get enough light shone on what is/has happened to them. Much like the experiences of lesbians. AGP’S would rather their unsavoury behaviour stayed secret.”

“I have had the experience of a partner turning out to be bisexual after both assuming we shared the same sexual orientation. Although difficult to come to terms with this did not require a change in MY identity. To find that one was married to a man who had most likely also fathered one’s children who then claims to be a woman just seems crazy. It would be disorientating enough I would think without threatening the woman’s OWN identity.”

“Just wrong. Males cannot be lesbians however they dress.” 

“This whole thing is nuts. I feel like the world has gone crazy with what we’re being told. It’s depressing and alarming how many intelligent people will tell you absolute nonsense with a straight face. It’s really destabilising, mentally.”

“Anyone who expects their partner to change their sexual identity because they have decided to claim an opposite sex identity is an abuser and a narcissist.” 

“Women should silence trans ideology as a male attempt to erase the female sex as the only unique anatomical reality of a reproductive body, giving birth to both sexes.”

“Why is it always the women who have to change/make allowances so that men are comfortable?”

“They need to get out of the relationship.”

“If somebody feels the need to change their sexual identity because of someone else, they need therapeutic support.”

“A lesbian is a female who is exclusively same sex attracted. The very definition of lesbian is under attack when you get tons of males claiming they are lesbians. They’re heterosexual males.”

“I believe your sexual orientation is innate, although people’s sexual preferences may be broad. To force a heterosexual woman or a lesbian to pretend their sexual orientation has changed because of their partner’s changed gender identity is unacceptable.”

“Women being pressured around their sexuality is a key concern in this movement and proof of why it’s just another flavour of patriarchy.”

“It is beyond me that anyone would dare to pressure anyone else for sex. In Brave New World – everyone was supposed to have sex with anyone who wanted it… It was “good” that you shared yourself. I find this idea gross and disturbing.” 

“Transwidows taught me that there are no boundaries that men will not cross in the pursuit of their own pleasure so you cannot give them an inch.”

“This demonstrates the arrogance and self obsession that sits behind AGP.”

“It’s ridiculous! No one gets to define themselves except the individual.”

“First encountered this with 2 lesbian housemates in the 1980’s… the relationship broke down after 1 transitioned because the other was attracted to women not a transman – we were all supportive and the couple themselves parted amicably – but sadly.”

“If this ideology is taken to the logical conclusion, then this will happen more and more.” 

“The above point is just stupid – men cannot be lesbians, so a woman married to a man who thinks he is a woman is not a lesbian. I am sure the women see through that.”

“Lovely to see this survey. Wanted to do one myself but no one else interested from the group I belong to. Great idea.” 

“I think if their partner claims to be of the opposite sex, married women ought to be granted an easier divorce and if she has assets then the male shouldn’t be entitled to them because he could be viewed as having been incongruous.”

“There is seemingly no end to the sheer selfishness of some men.”

“You cannot change your sexual orientation to suit another person’s whim.”

“I wonder when men and the Trans community will be challenged to be as kind to women who have legitimate fears or concerns, as those women are being told to be.”

“The relationship into which these women entered has changed beyond recognition. That relationship is finished. The man has rejected it. It’s psychological abuse if he expects it to continue on his new terms.”

“That’s terrifying and coercive manipulation!” 

“No one should be pressured into being or doing something they are not for fear of being considered transphobic.”

“If a married man decides one day he wants to be a woman and fully expects his wife to go along with it, he must also fully expect his wife to make a decision to leave as she doesn’t have to be interested in her husband now wanting to be a “lesbian”.”

“If women are forced to or choose to ‘accept’ that their husband is now a female, and stays with him, others will see this as a normal thing, whereas women are being placed in untenable positions, especially if they have children they don’t want to lose contact with.” 

“I have met trans widows & seen how their lives have been ruined by narcissistic husbands.”

“We women are socialised to be nice. To put everyone else’s needs above their own.” 

“Socially constructed perverted Cult that knowingly intends harms to all involved.”

“Women who have to accept that their male partners identify as women, should have the right to special help and fully paid legal resources to exit such situations, instead of suffering from guilt feelings as a partner of such a male.”

“Trans widows voices should be heard. They deserve to tell their stories and a clause for immediate divorce should a spouse claim to be trans identified should be law.” 

“I had to do this with my ex who is trans.” 

“I dated a trans identified female who constantly harassed her lesbian lover (before me) for introducing herself as a lesbian to clarify that she is not a straight woman with a man after the TIF “transitioned” into taking hormones and savaging her body. The lesbian lover got sperm donations and had 2 children whom the TIF claimed were “his” children and that “he” was the father. This caused no end of pain for the kids, as you can well imagine. I was awakened to the trans cultism by dating this TIF who “hated lesbians” even though she clearly was one.”

“That’s just bullying.”

“I don’t personally know any women in that situation but I find it awful. I did meet a woman yesterday who mentioned a female friend who was completely happy with her partner having transitioned. Not convinced but I could imagine that some people don’t mind at all.”

“No one should be pressured to change their sexual identity to accommodate for someone else’s sexual fantasy.” 

“Humans can’t change sex.”

“This is domestic abuse.”

“Divorce is needed at times. A man who for years has been obviously male and a man suddenly deciding he is a Woman, is going to destroy that marriage. The betrayal will be deep. No woman should be expected to remain in that relationship which has been destroyed by the denial of truth: Truth of physical human state of sex; truth of supposed feelings of love from that man (how can he be trusted now?); truth of the life lived?” 

“You can’t change sex!”

“One person’s internal sense of self has no impact on their partners orientation. If the partner wants to lie to keep the relationship I don’t really care, but I don’t think it should be normal or encouraged. It should be viewed as the enormous lifelong chore it is. I wouldn’t do it though.”

“Trans widows rank very low in the victim hierarchy, their suffering is too real; better to make a big fanfare about the horrors of wrong pronouns.”

“I absolutely feel for partners of anyone who decides to transition. Many clearly find it distressing, and mourn the loss of their relationship. I think partners get forgotten a lot.”

“I had to break up with my ex because he proclaimed he was trans. He also later shamed me for being exclusively heterosexual during the super straight debacle.”

“I know of an ex colleague who has come out as lesbian because her husband is now a transgender woman. How ridiculous as she was a full blooded heterosexual woman! The demands on trans widows is atrocious and I feel so sorry for them.”

“My partner and I broke up because I would’ve been in a hetero relationship had I stayed even though she is biologically female, I fear that if she goes far enough in medical transition, I wouldn’t recognize her anymore. I sincerely hope she desists before then.” 

“It’s made socially acceptable to suggest lesbians try a dick, attached to males claiming to be women. That’s woke conversion therapy and disgusting that it’s even allowed.”

“The misogyny in the trans ideology is of horrific proportions, not least when women are emotionally and culturally blackmailed to comply with a males autogynephilic fetish. When children are compelled to accept the brainwashing that Daddy is now Mummy & Mummy has a penis. This is so damaging & confusing – it is emotional abuse.”

“It seems that the identity of transwidows is less important than the identity of their partner. Women, again, being seen as less important.” 

“I do not consider the issues around women-who-identify-as-men to be opposite and equal to the issues around men-who-identify-as-women. It is not only our biology that makes us different – but also our experiences throughout our lives and the privileges and power we have in this society.”

“Trans ideology is exhibiting cult like attitudes to apostates and ‘transgressors’. People should not be pressured into lying to accommodate a biological myth.”

“I have a friend who is already experiencing this. A lesbian dating a transman who is now having to call herself straight. It’s wrong.”

“It’s not that I don’t care about this, just that other issues take up more of my energy and attention.”

“The voices of transwidows have been forgotten. Their former partners are apparently stunning/brave, yet these brave, devastated women are simply collateral damage to these entitled men.” 

“I am also extremely concerned by organisations like the Australian Breastfeeding Association catering to perverted men…”

“Follow Transwidows Voices twitter and blog. These men are not just any type of men they are abusive and coercive.” 

“Some women put up with it from love, from financial concerns, for their kids, for the attention etc. I can only try to empathise with them.” 

“I’ve read many trans widows stories of abuse by autogynephilic male partners. This issue needs much more media coverage so that women going through it can get adequate support.”

“It is oppressive to all women.” 

“As a therapist I see time and time again (as in my own life) that we are attracted to sex not to gender.” 

“No woman should be pressured to be someone they aren’t.”

“I’m concerned about anyone being pressurised to change.”

“If my partner claimed to be the other sex I would urge him to get psychological help. If he persisted in that delusion, I would probably leave him.”

“A narcissistic male forcing his pretend ‘woman’ identity onto his partner and children is hugely damaging.”

“Every person is entitled to define their own sexual orientation and to decide whom they are willing to have sex with.”

“Even organizations who have traditionally supported women prison inmates (e.g. Elizabeth Fry societies) have now silenced and shunned dissenters against gender self-ID, including current and former female inmates who speak up. So shameful!”

“It is a form of gaslighting, brainwashing and psychological / emotional abuse that affects the mental health of the women in these relationships.”

“I feel desperately sorry for and concerned for these ‘trans widows’. I’ve seen shocking stories of how their ‘transwomen’ husbands have threatened, gaslighted and manipulated them. This is one of the most completely cruel and awful kinds of abuse that I have ever heard of. I imagine that these women struggle to access support, too, because it is so stigmatised to disagree that their husband is really a ‘woman’. I just can’t wrap my head around how awful it must be for them.”

“I know that a lot of heterosexual women, including me think “My Nigel would never” but Nigel statistically already did so all the other Nigels can do it to you too. It’s only one reason more to stay single nowadays.”

“I’m not comfortable with sexual identity concept, I prefer to talk about sexual orientation.”

“These women should run for the hills if they can. Grossly controlling behaviour such as this suggests a high murder risk.” 

“Well, you would want a divorce anyway if you were married to a narcissistic autogynephile wouldn’t you? If not, the problem may be narcissistic abuse.”

“This is bloody rape. Why isn’t this being called out for what it is?”

“It is very upsetting that men who think they are women seek to manipulate their female partners in this way. It’s extremely selfish and, ultimately, abusive gaslighting.”

“I’m thankful that I’m not dating anymore.”

“It’s sexual coercion.”

“The situation of trans widows is appalling.”

“TRANs is about coercion from beginning to end, and all stops in between.”

“Compulsory heterosexuality is very much a part of gender ideology – only men pretending to be women can refer to themselves as lesbian.”

“I think the wives of men who are claiming to be ‘transwomen’ are horrendously marginalised and silenced. I cannot imagine how upsetting it must be to have elements of society validate and applaud your husband’s lies and out of control sexual fetish whilst you are silenced and ignored.” 

“The pain caused by so much hatred of women is increasingly unbearable.”

“I’m bi and this has still somehow happened to me. Specifically with an ex girlfriend coming out as non-binary, they/them, not a woman. So, I wasn’t actively contacted about this, but the pressure is there for anyone who knows both of us for me to not slip up referring to her as her despite quite a lot of very specific memories of her being female. Also implied is a demand to not even think of it as a same sex relationship or a relationship with a woman or else be “a bad person”. This doesn’t phase me but for someone who believes in it, I can see that it would be troubling.” 

“This is IPV.”

“Trans widows are a growing phenomenon – these women are being abused.”

“This is homophobia and the medical community should be sanctioned for this barbaric therapy of transition the gay away.”

“I see this as a new-fangled form of domestic abuse. It is gaslighting of the nastiest type.”

“The woman should throw him out or leave the moment he starts on this nonsense. It’s simple self-preservation.”

“These women must be the most gaslighted and degraded of all but think they would be unable to sustain it and find some way to leave.”

“The only trans person I know came out just after meeting a young gay man, my take on it is that she felt the need to become the object of this man’s affection. It is very worrying.”

“I have read the sad stories of Trans widows. These women need to be treated with respect and be listened to.”

“I think it’s wrong to make someone reconsider their sexual orientation because their partner now identifies as the opposite sex. That’s not how sexual orientation works.” 

“I don’t care what people “identify as.” Their actual behaviour and material state of existing as male or female are what matter.”

“Gender ideology is a massive lie that demands the world participate in.”

“It seems this happens almost entirely to women but rarely the reverse – a grotesque sexism.”

“As I wrote earlier coercive lies! i.e. your husband transitions but keeps their sexual orientation, thus you have to be a lesbian to accommodate his fantasy? Authoritarianism enters the bedroom! Scary.”

“I am concerned that the words “lesbian”, “gay”, etc. have lost their original meaning and can mean anything now. Thus, these words mean nothing anymore. It is essential to have the vocabulary to describe something that can clearly be distinguished from something else.”

“I’m more concerned about the fact that her then breaking up with said partner is then deemed “transphobic.””

“I’m concerned about men with fetishes prioritizing their penises over literally everything else.”

“No human ever changed sex.”

“It’s sad that the only stories in the media are of women who’ve accepted their partner’s transition. It’s rarely the other way around although most relationships don’t survive.”

“Really worried about Stonewall trying to end the spousal veto. I think it’s vital that women have a route out of marriage if their husband decides to adopt an alternate gender identity.”

“It’s the peak of the narcissistic gaslighting pyramid. A woman’s sexuality is not defined by her partner’s identity on any given day. It’s defined by the sex of who she is attracted to.” 

“I’m (among other things) concerned about bi women being considered as the ‘dump’ for trans people because both (some) lesbians and (a lot of) tras seem to think that bi women can’t have preferences or boundaries and rapey behaviour towards them is considered way more okayish by many.” 

“So many women on you-tube, blogs, women’s groups, that talk about this. Young mum’s trying to be supportive of their husbands. Therapists encouraging wives to support their husband, no matter how uncomfortable she feels.” 

“I’m afraid I have little sympathy for women who stay in these relationships for more than a year or so after disclosure, but I am an independent old crone.”

“I have had personal experience of being pressured to change how I identify my sexuality because of a friend’s gender identity.”

“The entire Ellen “Elliot” Page affair was a very public example of this, and is a perfect illustration of the harm that the intersection of misogyny and homophobia has on lesbian women.”

“This is brainwashing, which is psychological torture. Read transwidows’ accounts and it is clearly evident that forcing a change in language around sexual orientation or activity is abuse.”

“These women are being abused.”

“I have only come across this in Stella O’Malley’s documentary when she interviewed ‘Debbie’ Hayton and his family. The discomfort of his wife and children was palpable and upsetting. He came across as narcissistic and entitled.”  

“My ex transed after our breakup and tried to tell me it meant I wasn’t a lesbian.”

“Nobody should have to change their sexual preference or identity in order to please another person.”

“Women shouldn’t agree to do that.”

“The trans widows debate is extremely sad, and I have heard of horror stories where women have been hit with domestic abuse orders for not participating in their husbands new identity as female (because the woman wanted to be married to a man). I also find it very disturbing that the majority of these cases it seems to be an autogynephile, and a very male fantasy of what being a woman is. Extremely degrading.”

“Women/wives being considered lesbians (legally or otherwise) due to the feelings of their male partner/husband is akin to conversion therapy. She is heterosexual and should not be forced in any way to accept her male partner ‘as a woman’.” 

“My ex husband was trans. He identified as lesbian when he came out. That would have changed my orientation.” 

“Lesbians are same sex attracted. I was in a relationship with a lesbian who later called herself ‘queer’ and then wanted to transition. I didn’t want to call myself queer as I am a lesbian. If she wanted to be non binary or trans – why should I have to change how I am to ‘protect’ her? I find there is a bullying and coercive narrative to all of this which is pushed under the umbrella of ‘inclusion’ but goes against what some people feel is right and that is concerning.”

“We need to hear from transwidows.”

“It’s bullying and the erosion of self. Too many women are afraid of abuse and violence if they do not do as their partner wishes.” 

“There ought to be some legal recourse that annuls any commitment to a spouse who claims to be the opposite sex.”

“Yes, women who call themselves lesbians when their husband transition. These women aren’t even attracted to women.”

“This is another discussion form of coercion that women are being subject to. Our needs and feelings and subjective realities are being diminished and denied. For men.” 

“This is the ultimate abuse. Women lose themselves to placate a man’s paraphilia.”

“The gaslighting of wives and children is domestic abuse. We stand with trans widows, we know how hard it can be to leave an abuser.” 

“As time goes on, be kind appears to be increasingly foolish.”

“No one should be pressurised to do anything that harms their mental health. Marriage is a special relationship. For it to be broken by gender ideology should not put either partner at a disadvantage.”

“A heterosexual wife to man should not have to endure that relationship if the man transitions to a trans woman.”

“It’s cruel and inhumane.”

“Trans widows are one of the most invisible voices in this whole “debate”.”

“This kind of coercive control can and does result in deep psychological trauma.”

“Women must be what men demand them to be, women must give what men demand, women must speak the words that men demand”, the basic message of Patriarchy since forever.”

“I met a woman at University 2 years ago. She told me how her boyfriend came home one day and said he was a woman and she was now a lesbian. She said, no. She then found everyone she knew at University called her a transphobe, she was completely isolated, as no-one would interact with her for fear of being labelled transphobic. Even her best friend of 15 years wouldn’t speak to her. I had a boyfriend for about 6 months, one time he wants to wear my stockings and dress, I let him. We had sex. It was horrible, he was so much more into himself as a woman, than actually making love with me. I think it is wrong to force your fetish onto your partner. A lot of trans widows have had to make choices about whether to support their husband’s fetish, or admit they are not lesbians and break up the family home.”

“This is perhaps the biggest gaslighting operation on women since the 19th century when any woman with distress was deemed to be hysterical.” 

“Men calling themselves and their female partners lesbians is ridiculous and an insult to lesbians.” 

“This is very different for heterosexual women and lesbians. I’m concerned that lesbians who have female partners who transition introduce this into lesbian only spaces, or lesbians who have ‘transwomen’ partners introduce them into lesbian or women only groups. I see them as ‘trans allies’. Pretty different for heterosexual women who are ‘trans widows’ or just remain married as unable to leave.”

“I also want to add that I think the large majority of the society is aware of the problem and the threat. That’s why the intellectual and educational capture is very dangerous because the gender ideologists are using the children to get at the parents. But at the same time, I don’t think the large majority will go along with it as much as the “intellectuals”.” 

“Q68 illustrates the retrogressive homophobic nature of transgenderism.”

“The whole of trans gender ideology is about pressuring women into accepting lies as truth and suffering as a result. Yes, I am worried about the aggression displayed to anybody who calls out these lies, but I cannot go along with any of it. If men want to play dress up, that’s fine, but to say they can become women just because they think so is a huge affront to every woman who has ever lived, or who will ever live. It MUST be stopped. How many more women must be sacrificed to male vanity?”

“Any coercion by a man towards any woman to breach personal sexual boundaries is predatory rape culture.” 

“Expecting a woman to change sexual identity for a transitioning male is abuse. It is expecting women to live a lie publicly and privately. It is coercive and harmful and totally unacceptable.” 

“Between gender ideology and rampant online porn it is an intensely toxic sexual environment for teens and young adults.”

“It is almost always women being pushed to compromise. I am yet to hear of a ‘trans man’ being supported by a husband. Has this ever occurred?”

“Transwidows receive NO support from any agency when their male partner comes out as transgender (to great acclaim & support). They are left as sole support for any children as the family domestic arrangement crumbles. The ‘trans’ person appears usually to be self-obsessed to the point of not caring about the effect of their decision on the other family members.”

“Children of Trans identified males must suffer as well.”

“I’m also concerned about women who claim to be heterosexual because they’re in a relationship with a ftm transgender individual. Denial is harmful to everyone.”

“Men’s wants must not trump women’s needs. Ever.” 

“AGP men who do this to their wives and girlfriends are abusers. I know some trans-widows and their stories are shocking, disturbing and tragic. They have described rape, coercion, coercive control and the narcissistic rages they fly into when they perceive any resistance to their defiant life. She must not get in his way or there will be consequences.” 

“We need to have more support for trans widows, we need to have signposts to GC services as I have read many accounts of the women not affirming their partners identity being hounded as bigots instead of supported as someone experiencing a bereavement. Which is what happens.”

“I deeply feel for women in this position. Again, it is as if these women are not allowed to have their own experience or grieve their loss of what they thought they had.” 

“Only *some* people are allowed to be their authentic selves (i.e. trans identified people) and everyone else has to fall in line behind them.”

“I cannot say much about this because I would not be entertaining it at any level. I’m out of there. Of course, women who have children and are deeply invested in their relationships are in a very precarious position. They need access to support groups to help them get away from this tyranny.” 

“I haven’t heard about that but it doesn’t surprise me. The stories of Transwidows and what they have endured is sickening. Women are supposed to just suck up everything that falls in their lap – sorry this survey is bringing up the anger. And I have never saw myself as a radical feminist – just tried to be accepting and nice. I guess that isn’t working.”

“Trans widows are a totally ignored group of women, subject to many layers of coercive control. Where are the new protocols for women’s agencies, the police etc.?”

“I think women who are married/partnered to men who ‘change sex’ need support and consideration of their wishes (and also other partners who are similarly affected). Very difficult but people are affected differently. As are children (including adult children).”

“This comes back to the lesbian question. LGBT orgs need to return to recognising homo/hetero/bisexuality. A heterosexual relationship is defined by the sex of the individuals not by how much nail varnish they are wearing. This whole thing is undermining the actual existence of lesbians.”

“I have second-hand experience of this in my own family. It has been devastating for the spouse.” 

“Women are being forced into impossible situation where they are seen as the problem because they want to remain being classed as adult human females with protected sex rights.”

“Trans widows voices should be being heard.”

“Absolutely coercion and again misogyny and sexism.”

“Fuck that!”

“I’m not so much concerned as know it is happening.”

“A straight woman calling herself a lesbian because her male partner wears a dress is just as stupid as a male calling himself a lesbian due to wearing said dress.”

“Seen it in my social spaces. Young lesbian couple, one comes out as a trans man so the other has to change her label to bisexual. Inevitably comes out as non binary herself.” 

“The issue of trans widows gives rise to significant concerns. These people may often be grieving the loss of the partner who transitions or have suffered abuse. These people need support not bullying.”

“Regarding Q 68, no-one should be pressured to do anything – least of all in these circumstances. It is abuse, and women should have sufficient government support to be able to leave any abusive relationship.”

“Sex is a big definitive aspect of our human existence. Sexuality is constructed FROM our sex in relation to others. Both, our sex and sexuality are part of our identity, but “gender identity”, or even, “identity” alone, does not trump the reality of our bodies. Even if we perceived ourselves to be a car, down the line, our sexed bodies need reckoning, and sexuality derives from sex, not the other way round.” 

“It isn’t just about us having to change our sexual identity. I had a partner who transitioned. I thought I would be ok with it. What I did not expect was how much they changed as a person. Hormones change your personality, moods, behaviour. It was a stranger I was living with. It’s like your partner being swapped for someone else and you’re supposed to just be ok with this strange imposter. We broke up.” 

“I know someone this has happened to and it has been humiliating and devastating to her.”

“I am appalled that so-called trans widows are ostracised by friends and family when they refuse to celebrate their husband’s late “coming out” as trans.”

“We need more awareness of AGP and what that means.”

“Women in this position should be supported and heard.”

“A woman who is married or partnered to a man who decides he ‘identifies’ as a woman, should not be coerced by marriage/relationship counsellors, or other therapists into pretending her husband/boyfriend is now her ‘wife’ or ‘girlfriend’, as this is gaslighting the woman. Moreover, heterosexual (occasionally bisexual) men who identify as women are usually autogynephiles (are sexually aroused at the thought of being a woman). The wife or girlfriend of a man with such a fetish should not be gaslighted by a therapist into participating in his fetish against her will, as that would be a violation of her right to refuse consent, and could be viewed as the therapist enabling abuse. Furthermore, heterosexual/bisexual men who ‘identify’ as women who usually have autogynephilia often inflict emotional abuse and sexual coercion on their female partners, according to accounts from many women who are ex-partners of these men. Indeed, the women who are these men’s ex-partners have spoken about how their ex-husbands often coerced them into indulging them in their sexual fetish that they are women, which they often describe as extremely misogynistic and de-grading. Women who are ex-partners of these men, should be offered therapeutic support, to help them heal from the traumatic experiences they have suffered at the hands of these men. They certainly should not be made to suffer further, by having a therapist gaslight them by telling them their husband/boyfriend is a woman and should be sympathised with. Moreover, when therapists affirm a heterosexual/bisexual man as a woman it also harms lesbian women, as these men then feel entitled to enter spaces and groups meant for same sex attracted women, leaving lesbian women with no groups of our own where we can be free from males. When therapists affirm heterosexual (occasionally bisexual) men with autogynephilia as women, they also harm women and girls in general, as women/girls have our right to refuse consent to participate in a male’s sexual fetish violated, when we are expected to pretend these men are women, use female pronouns for them, share spaces, groups etc., with them. Therefore, instead of affirming heterosexual/bisexual man who ‘identify’ as women, it would be beneficial for the female partners of these men and lesbians and females in general, if heterosexual (occasionally bisexual) men receive therapy for their fetish and/or other psychological issues that cause them to ‘identify’ as women. When a lesbian who is in a relationship with a woman who ‘identifies’ as a man, she should also not be coerced by marriage/relationship counsellors or other therapists into pretending her female partner is now her male partner, and gaslighted into believing she is now a heterosexual/bisexual woman in heterosexual relationship with a heterosexual man. When therapists encourage lesbian women to pretend they are in heterosexual relationships, and are now heterosexual/bisexual women, due to her female partner ‘identifying’ as a man, therapists are engaging in lesbian erasure and supporting and enabling a type of homosexual conversion therapy for lesbian women.” 

“I’ve met a transwidow and her story was heartbreaking.” 

“Transwidows speak of gaslighting and coercive control by porn informed husbands and fathers.”

“Just another form of coercion and abuse. Really highlights the lack of importance given to domestic violence by most people, despite all the political promises and virtue signalling. I think most people still think abuse victims are weak or stupid.”

“I’m just reminded of the show “Sex Education” with Gillian Anderson. A boy likes a girl. But she says she’s “non-binary”. When they try to get together, she goes: “You know you’ll be in a queer relationship?” He recoils. Eventually, they don’t get together, but what I don’t understand, is why she’s forcing him to be anything? She can be “queer”, but why control him? He’s not queer. Anyway, total head-fuck, and once again, controlling OTHERS, and not yourself.” 

“This disregards another’s boundaries, their history and reality. That’s not good for that person’s mental health.” 

“I have acquaintances that now identify as lesbians despite loving men because their male spouse decided that they were trans. We have nothing in common- I was estranged from my family at an early age due to homophobia. They had their wedding and house paid for by supportive families because they are straight. We have had completely different life experiences and for them to suddenly identify that way is hurtful. They aren’t gay!”

“It’s BS. Yet I know women who have bought into this bs and think they are a lesbian couple even though the husband is still a man, always will be.” 

“How dare that be a thing!”

“It’s gaslighting.”

“I don’t know how much this happens but it sounds unacceptably coercive.”

“It’s male domination again.”

“My heart goes out to Trans Widows.” 

“My niece married a woman who now goes by ‘he/they’. Nobody in the family, including her parents, really know what this means, nor have we been told, we are just expected to tip toe around this. They deny they are now a straight couple. As a result, I no longer see them, because I don’t want to snap and yell at them. Selfish, selfish, selfish, they are holding us captive by this, it’s like a bloody game, putting trip wires everywhere to see what others do wrong.” 

“”Trans” widows need more visibility.”

“It takes a lot of energy to debate people on fb, and correct their thinking. It really pisses me off that this is a top down movement. It pisses me off that the news is no longer neutral, and won’t let the gender critical view reach the masses via tv. When Oprah and Phil Donahue had their talk shows, the public had a chance to see both sides of a topic, could ask questions, and debate. I don’t think there’s anything like that anymore. That’s unfortunate. So many possible sources to get info, and still it is very controlled.”

“Women are criticised if they do not agree with their husband claiming he is now a woman. They are blamed if they do not support him.”

“I’m bi and concerned about bi erasure, being replaced with pan.”

“It’s always women expected to move over, to give up what’s theirs, to pander to males, etc.”

“It’s a form of interpersonal abuse upon the woman and should be recognised as abuse.”

“One of my friends is trans widowed it had put a great deal of turmoil inside their couple. I think she’s in a hard place right now because her husband is gone and somebody else wears his face. Second their child is more than confused by this and hurt.”

“They are being asked to play along with their male partners paraphilia, mostly these men are AGPs and their female partners are being humiliated.”

“Gaslighting. Putting pressure on women to change their own identities to validate their partners.” 

“There is so much coercive control being used against women. It has become acceptable to treat us with contempt.”

“This is domestic abuse and should be treated as such.”

“Why is a man allowed to decide his identity while his wife has her sexual identity enforced? Why is a woman vilified for wanting to leave a marriage when her husband has changed the entire premise of their contract? He gets the support for being brave and stunning, she gets her life turned upside down and pressurised to “be kind” to the selfish shite she was married to. How the spousal veto is presented as an abuse of human rights in the media is another injustice and violation of women’s rights.”

“How has it come to this? I am angry that this is being done to women. A woman has a right to say no, whether she is a lesbian who does not want to have sex with a person with a ladydick or a modest woman who does not want to give a bikini wax to a transgender woman with a penis. It is misogyny.”

“Ironically people claiming their identity must be respected are forcing identities on to others.”

“Again, it’s ALL about the destruction of women as a sex class and their rights.”

“This hasn’t happened to me but I’ve heard from and read the experiences of women who have been in this position.”

“The marriage should be annulled or instant divorce should be made available if the woman requires it. This is abusive gaslighting to insist someone change who they are fundamentally because you have either lied throughout your relationship/marriage or have allowed your paraphilia to destroy your family/loved ones for your own sexual gratification. Trans widows and their children should have full access to therapy to deal with this and not be treated as props, at best, and at worst be denied help and support because you are labelled a bigot.”

“After a friend’s death from cancer her husband came out ‘as a woman’, and revealed how much his fetish had come to dominate their lives. Their adult children were stunned. I and other friends feel betrayed. I feel wretched for her silent suffering as she deteriorated but didn’t say anything.”

“Family member’s partner decided they were a trans woman. They were then expected to be in a lesbian relationship. Family member saw herself as heterosexual. Being forced by male partner who wanted to be a woman into a lesbian relationship. Family member wanted relationship with a man.” 

“Sexuality should always be sex based, not gender based. Homosexual relationships should not be erased or cater to someone’s ever changing gender identity.”

“If my partner claimed to be of the opposite sex, the partnership would be null and void. Can’t understand why any woman would put up with it.”

“Your husband wearing a frock doesn’t make you a lesbian.”

“I feel for partners of trans identified people. Society is now peddling the narrative of acceptance versus being critical of, for example, men who want to “transition” even after marrying and having children.”

“All of this ideology and its adherents’ methods is so similar to domestic abuse that it’s very triggering.” 

“Women are constantly being told they must ‘be kind’… under the guise of guilting them into doing what these deeply manipulative men want them to do. Horrible.” 

“I had a discussion with my local political representative and she was happy with this. She was happy with self ID, men in women’s prisons, trans widows, etc. I am politically homeless now.” 

“I have been married to a severe AGP. He was not then, twenty-five years ago, trans identified. I do not know if, as a younger man today, he would or would not have chosen that route. I do know that he was a narcissistic, manipulative, untruthful man I have ever known and that his behaviour towards me and the profound loneliness I experienced in that marriage before I found out the truth is not something I would wish on my worst enemy.”

“I feel quite angry with women who support this ideology. I feel even more angry with institutions and politicians who do so. They must know that they are supporting dangerous lies, but they continue to do it.” 

“I genuinely believe that some women will write a narrative that makes it OK to exist that way because the alternative (losing their lover) is harder to imagine. In time I suspect these relationships will deteriorate. Most women don’t want this at all and say so.”

“If an adult chooses to transition that is their choice. Nobody has the right to force a partner or former partner into any role or position they are uncomfortable with. It’s another example of coercive control.”

“The testimonies of transwidows damaged by narcissistic AGP males is heartbreaking.”

“I’ve noticed that a lot of transwomen will say “If you’re a cislesbian and you go out of your way to only date cislesbians, you’re transphobic” but I have noticed when questioned more directly a lot of these people will be really contradictory and claim that they never said anyone ‘had to date’ transwomen, but was that not what the original statement was implying? It is so confusing and contradictory.” 

“This is revolting rape culture and it’s actively harming young women.”

“I was married to what was called a transvestite who fathered my child. He wanted to call himself & me lesbians. I never accepted that he changed sex. And was not sexually attracted at all to his ‘female’ self’ he was just a man in female clothing to me.” 

“This is about control and power. The woman has to conform to her partner’s demands and make no complaint: total submission is what is required of her.”

“If those women stay with their transitioned spouses, that’s their decision. That they will probably regret.” 

“We need more legal battles.” 

“Transwidows.org opened my eyes to the kind of abuse, harassment, and emotional blackmail women face when their partner transitions, including when some of them insist that their partner has changed into a lesbian. This is simply pandering to a man’s fetish.”

“Because she was pressured by her social circle and her newly trans-identified female partner to either identify herself as bisexual or end her relationship, my friend was forced to break up with the woman she loved.”

“The essence of gender ideology is the destruction of women’s boundaries. We cannot say no. We cannot draw a line around our spaces, our statistics, our words, our sexualities, or even how we are allowed to think of ourselves.”

“Rape by deception is rape.”

“Women with their foolish looking crossdressing boyfriends who claim to also be women will NEVER know the issues and pain of being a lesbian. It disgusts me beyond words that they fetishize my pain and isolation as a homosexual so they can get off on it.” 

“It’s abuse.”

“I wish I could think it is all just a nonsense thing but I am depressed and terrified by it. I have no representative to vote for in Australia that will support women.”

“Trans widows are particularly vulnerable to abuse and are frequently denied support exiting relationships.”

“Trans widows get no support. Many report they are expected to validate their male partners demands and also expected to raise children often in coercive relationships that get no input from social services or assessment that relates to safeguarding of the children in these situations.” 

“Women are being gaslighted by AGP males.”

“If an adult male suddenly decides they are a woman then I believe they are autogynephilic.” Also pornography plays a large part in how AGP men present themselves.

“It is outrageous that a women can be chastised for not accepting the gaslighting of a partner who decides they are trans.”

“Coerced or deceitful sex is rape & abuse. Sex should be honest & mutually agreed. Attitudes are shifting, more people accept gender nonconformity & are attracted to modern presentation. There is no need to force acceptance. This is an abusive power play by gender ideology. Gender identity should be honestly expressed without lying about underpinning biology. Honesty & integrity are attractive qualities. Lies & intimidation are a turn off.”

“If someone in a relationship changes radically for any reason, it cannot be reasonable to require their partner to stay in a marriage they don’t want to be in. Compelling people to do or say what they don’t want to do or say is cruelty and bullying.”

“My main abuser was AGP and wanted me to describe us as a lesbian couple, which I refused to do, and this caused further aggression and abuse.”

“Trans-widows need legal support and protection.”

“Storme was a Lesbian!”

“Since my perpetrator deliberately lied to me about who he was I have a particular empathy for trans widows. For this reason I find it particularly difficult to deal with people arguing that trans widows aren’t allowed their own story.”

“It’s always women who have to redefine themselves – you rarely see a man come out as gay because their partner is transitioning.” 

“Ah… Misogyny.”

“I am less concerned about this as long as the woman has the choice to leave the relationship.”

“So abusive.”

“There should be more focus on the extreme damage of AGP men on their families – on transwidows and children of these families. And the Spousal Escape Clause must be kept, to enable women who cannot divorce, to annul their marriage, to stop them being married against their will to a “lesbian”.” 

“It shouldn’t happen and it shouldn’t be supported.”

“Women should have the right to instantly annul a marriage if their husband claims to be trans. It should be affordable & instant.” 

“Women are being gaslit and abused by this ideology.”

“I am concerned that men who adopt a trans identity in later life whilst married are often participating in coercive and controlling abuse particularly in controlling how their partner refers to them and speak about their life prior to transition.” 

“This is coercive abuse.”

“This is all about women having to accept anything and everything in men’s favour.” 

“I’m not concerned I’m mad, annoyed etc., no one I know agrees with it and lots of people don’t know what is happening, mums at the School gate have no idea!!!” 

“The abuse of trans widows is more of an issue than the “orientation” – their husband is still a man, even if he says they’re both lesbians now. It’s the abusive actions that concern me more than the language.” 

“Clear indication of the selfishness of this ideology.”

“These women are in an abusive relationship if they are being pressurised like this, and they need support to get out of it. The sexual identity aspect is likely to be just part of the abuse/coercion they experience, and might not even be the worst part of it, but it is extremely destabilising for them and should be taken into account in divorce settlements etc., and in particular when custody arrangements are made. The impact on their children must be better understood too.”

“The transwidows on mumsnet opened my eyes to this horror. It’s domestic abuse of the coercive kind.”

“I think of it as domestic abuse, in a new form.”

“It’s coercive control- “you are what I say you are because you are just the satellite and I am the star”.”

“Each time I see this narrative, I feel sick. I can’t imagine how it feels to know your marriage is a lie. Worse than a partner having an affair, I would think.” 

“The spousal exit clause in marriage is vital – no women should ever be forced to pretend she is in a same sex relationship when she married a man. This is especially important to those of religious backgrounds who do not consent, do not agree with same sex marriage in any case, and will face social and religious stigma and exclusion for their husband’s choices, which will also have a massive negative impact on the children.” 

“Coercive control if they are being made to do this – domestic abuse. I worked for Women’s Aid for years. It was fairly common for women to be told for example what to wear and also not have any intimacy in sexual relationships where men’s “needs” had to be put first. Like women are there to serve men. Very upsetting.”

“I have lost friends when I refused to accept that a lesbian couple were now a “queer” couple because one of them said she was now a man. Her partner was a lesbian who seemed to be forced into saying she was straight. It seemed obscene.”

“I am concerned re the pressure placed on children especially to validate a father’s choices, as well as the wife being compelled.”

“No experience of this, but the idea is awful, that someone else’s beliefs should be used to bring a woman’s core identity into question.”

“My girlfriend is a lesbian experiences gender dysphoria and I am terrified that she will mutilate her body and that the conversation is not based around helping her become comfortable in the body she was born in. Instead she is more ashamed of her body and it is devastating.”

“And by the misrepresentation of the so-called ‘spousal veto’. Organisations should be made to be honest!” 

“Trans widows being silenced is also a concern of mine. Especially as men wait until they’re married/have kids to “come out”.”

“Women in long term relationships are at greater risk since they may have children and not want to walk away from the relationship. Their partners then declare they are ‘lesbians’ which then makes them a ‘lesbian’. The men still want heterosexual sex though. They retain their penises and still want to use them for intercourse.”

“If the marriage was made under false pretences, of course either party should have the right of divorce. Anything else is nonsense.” 

“Men never stick with their female partners post transition. Why do we?”

“Did not realise 68 was happening. Am shocked. These women deserve support.”

“My trans identified ex tried to re-define my sexuality from hetero to “lesbian” because in his mind he had “become” a lesbian. He also wanted me to “act butch” so he could “act femme.” It was offensive to lesbians as well as traumatic personally.” 

“The notion that attraction is based on gender instead of sex when they also claim gender means something different for everyone is nonsensical.”

“Men are bigger, stronger, more violent than women. Forcing your partner to lie about your sex is deeply abusive and should be regarded as a criminal offense.”

“I am sick of politicians describing the ability to exit a marriage when your husband transitions as a ‘spousal veto’, as if the wives can stop anything happening. Misinformation of the highest order, adding to their distress at their lives being upended.”

“I have never yet come across a case of a male partner being forced to assume a new or opposing sexual identity due to his partner ‘transitioning’. No heterosexual male has yet complained of being compelled to call himself a ‘lesbian’ against his will as far as I am aware. I do not believe it would never happen- a male would be free to simply leave the relationship in ways a woman would not be/feel at liberty to do (emotionally, economically/physically).” 

“Women are being told to suspend their disbelief and pander to men’s wants and needs above their own. We are trying to progress beyond this outdated thinking that we are mere props or support humans in men’s lives. It’s abuse and it’s regressive.” 

“I dated a transvestite in my youth and so I know how compelling their sexual interests can be but I think it’s horrendous when anyone is forced to play along with a sexual fantasy they’re not into. Making it a 24/7 thing is even worse.” 

“This may seem like a harmless pretence for the mental health of the trans partner, but it is an erosion of sexual and personal boundaries, and of the non-trans partner’s ability to describe their (generally, her) reality.”

“This is abusive. They are redefining someone else’s identity and boundaries, without consent.” 

“See Trans Widows Voices for all the evidence.”

“The BDSM scene of the 1990s opened my eyes to the reality of autogynephillia and how frightening it is. Me showing any sign of discomfort or displeasure in their arousal intensified their sexual fantasy that I was unwillingly part of. All the non agp kink players respectfully asked to play and respected a no properly. The agp men took being in the same room as them as permission to involve you in their sex play. All those agp men would now claim to be trans, and so their kink is free to move out of the clubs and into all life- shops, work, schools, and I have not consented to this.”

“”Trans widows” says it all, it damages the woman’s life and of their family while the man’s allowed to follow his fetish, not to mention the grief and confusion.”

“Concerned about TiMs calling themselves mothers and breastfeeding.”

“This actually was an early reason I was curious. When my friend had to wonder whether she could still call herself lesbian when dating a transman.”

“I so hope that in 20 years, people will have returned to common sense, but I worry for all the people who have been castrated and mutilated by this evil. I also fear that the burden on society will be so large that it may not be able to be carried (health care, etc.).”

“I find it particularly absurd that organisations such as Stonewall, which once fought so valiantly for consenting adults to have sex with those to whom they have sexual attraction, now appear to be on the side of saying that if you are a heterosexual woman, whose male husband has now come out as trans, then you must be a lesbian. This is deeply insulting to the stunning and brave women who have their husband’s choices imposed upon them.”

“If your husband of any length of marriage comes out as gay/trans then a divorce should be readily and swiftly available if the woman wants it, as HE is no longer the man she married. She has been duped and lied to.”

“I feel concerned for vulnerable people and groups. If my husband decided that he was really a female and not male, I would not be emotionally, socially, cognitively, physically and sexually attracted to him. If I were sexually attracted to women, I would never have been sexually attracted to him to begin with. I feel for people who think that trans identity ideology means that they must reject their inherent sexual identity and understanding of their sex.”

“I hear there is not a lot of support for women who are pressurised to do this.”

“You cannot be a lesbian just because your partner declares HIMSELF to be one.”

“The spousal exit clause must be kept. Transwidows and their children must be protected.”

“Women in relationships with people who decide to change sex have got to be in hell. Having to change labels is an outrage but I imagine it’s the least of their problems.” 

“I’m concerned about anything that pressurises women. We should be free to be who we are.” 

“There is now enough documentation to show the narcissistic control, rage, gaslighting and sexual abuse that autogynephiles impose on their wives. There’s a sexual sadism that dominates all their interactions. Equally, lesbian partners of newly discovered “transmen” are supposed to affirm this adopted gender and flow with the testosterone driven behavioural changes that come with ‘becoming a man’. The narcissism shows there, too.”

“The fact that every person around the person who is trans has to give way in case they hurt feelings and is not allowed to have hurt feelings themselves is horrific.”

“I have nothing but sympathy for lesbians whose partners decide to transition. There should be just as much support for the partner who is abandoned as there is for the partner who is affirmed.” 

“It has to be an individual’s choice whether to accept this.”

“The trans widows are very much the also rans. No focus on their complex situation (particularly when kids are involved), no dedicated support for their mental/financial/social situation.”

“Very concerned about Stonewall seeking to remove the spousal veto. Trans widows should be able to divorce quickly.”

“A Lesbian is STILL a Lesbian if her partner decides to transition. If Butch on Butch sometimes they consider themselves “gay males”, and if Femme, that they are a “het couple”, and if young, they are ” genderqueer”, but basically they are STILL female to Female. However once on testosterone, besides the male secondary sex characteristics, they shut down emotionally, except where it comes to sex and anger/ rage and the sexist modelling after current day male culture. We saw two young ones, maybe in their 20s at a firmer (sic) local Pride, come up to us, one saying she wants us to meet her ” boyfriend”. I’m thinking a bio male… but it was another just like her: breasts removed, on hormones. But AS an out loud and proud older Butch couple, all our Femaleness intact, they FELT that we were like THEM. And we are. All of us XX nonfeminine essentially LESBIAN Females. But this is NOT Liberation. Liberation is not won at the end of a Testosterone filled needle.”

“Transwidows are ignored far too often. Their voices need elevating.” 

“If I self-identified as male, and it were the case that my sex had changed, my children would no longer be Jewish, as our community uses matrilineal descent as a gate-keeping measure, my religious marriage and divorce would be invalid, and my children would have no say in the matter.”

“Autogynephilic males tend to be highly abusive in their behaviour towards their partners when they transition. This abuse is then consolidated by society with women being expected to suppress their feelings while their partners are celebrated and praised. Children of such relationships are similarly gas-lit with mothers being in particularly invidious situations in such circumstances. I am also aware that women in same-sex relationships can also face this situation.” 

“I have spoken to trans widows and detransitioners. Some of the stories are harrowing.” 

“If marriage or civil partnership it’s a breach of contract.”

“The notion that my partner changing his gender identity can change my sexuality is beyond absurd.” 

“I have not heard about this, but if that is happening, then that is worrying.”

“Leave him! I also know lesbians who have ‘become straight’ by their partner transitioning to being a man – still nonsense! And just as you must count women to fight patriarchy, we need to know and treasure our lesbians. This is another way the ideology erases lesbians and gay men.”

“Again, concerned is a strange choice. For 68, if this is happening I am extremely concerned but I am not aware of this.”

“Trans widowing is another, insidious form of domestic abuse.”

“Very concerned about abusive men identifying as trans to trample women boundaries and subject them to extreme gaslighting.”

“I’m curious to know how many men change their sexual identity because their female partner claims to be the opposite sex.” 

“It’s gaslighting them and it’s gaslighting actual lesbians and gay men.”

“I cannot imagine how difficult it must be for people who have to go along with a new reality to accommodate a partner who says they now identify as the opposite sex. It would destroy many marriages.” 

“This is another form of domestic abuse that will be made out to be the woman’s fault in some way because she wasn’t kind enough probably.”

“This is a terrible abuse and only serves to empower their abusive partner.”

“Sensible women would leave the above.”

“I don’t know much about Q68 sounds horrific.”

“That is violence.”

“If a partner says they are the opposite sex, the woman they are with should immediately leave the relationship (or prepare to if not financially possible at the moment) and leave the pretender to his/her self.” 

“We can’t even say super straight or super gay because we aren’t allowed to define ourselves.” 

“I’m not merely concerned. I’m disgusted.”

“When a man would put his wife through this, it would surely not be the first time he lied, gaslighted and abused her.”

“My ex partner transitioned over a decade ago, at first I tried to understand and be supportive for the sake of our relationship and children and because I wanted to help and understand. I cannot discuss my experience here in detail, much of this I have blanked out, nobody says much about the sexual abuse and physical abuse often suffered by the female partners. I am lucky to have friends and family who understand on some level but I have never been able to ever go into full details. I only recently came across APG as describing what men like my ex are, I always described it as a sexual fetish gone wrong. His behaviour was obsessive and dark and I know so many sick desires through this that I wish I didn’t, I make no apology for calling him a man, I use to use she / her to be kind but this was the most chauvinistic degrading, humiliating horror show that leans itself to porn not womanhood. My ex didn’t want me to leave I didn’t leave him because of his performance of women, I left because I am not a porn prop or hole, I am not his girly best friend, I am a mother and had to take on the role as sole parent to our two daughters, he wanted to be big slutty sister to them, they were aged 8 and 16 at the time. They both have mental health issues, my youngest cuts herself and has before slit her wrists, the eldest developed an eating disorder. I am not saying that these things may not have happened if not for my ex, but we lived through strange times. His version of a woman was tiny leather skirts and thigh length boots and giving up his job to become a prostitute. He never understood why I worked and had children and went to uni when I could have lay on my back all day and been a whore. Like most I am open minded and people can live how they choose, have a fetish in private with consenting adults, that’s fine but this is not what is happening here we (women/children) are being used in a very deeply rooted sexual game, anyone who thinks differently as I once did is sadly naive. My life and my children’s has moved on, the school was great back then, they helped support my daughter, children’s services called due to the cuts on my daughter’s arms even after I tried to get a referral from GP and help, they were horrendous and it was all about supporting him at every turn. I never sought support I have survived a lot of abuse at the hands of men, I don’t want my voice heard this isn’t about me personally it is about the world waking up to this and ensuring we can remain in places safe away from males and their fetish. I am happy to be polite to transpeople (my ex lost that right) and don’t care what they do but I still use the curtained off cubicle in the ladies changing room at the gym even though they have a strict female only policy, my body does not feel like it belongs to me, men did that even the ones in wigs and lipstick.”

“If you’re a straight woman married to an AGP man, it doesn’t make you a lesbian. If you’re a lesbian married to a transman, it doesn’t make you straight.” 

“Too much of GII is the validation of TIMs who seem to get sexual pleasure from the idea of being a woman. No one should be forced or compelled to change their behaviour, what they think or believe just to validate another person especially if that validation gives them sexual gratification – that is abuse.”

“Women should not have to go along with the delusion that they are lesbians just because their partner has decided he wants to live as a woman.”

“I’m concerned that girls are being shamed into accepting relationships they don’t want to be in for fear of being transphobic. Saying ‘no’ is seen as transphobic so then rape is being promoted.”

“I have recently come across this, it is diabolical.”

“It’s sick.”

“I don’t think many people truly understand the meaning of ‘pressurised’ in questions like the above. ‘Gender training’ of children starts at or before birth, and so many women live their lives in ways that they don’t really want to, or even that they actively hate, without really understanding how they got there.”